revenge

FRIDAY, May 23 2014

i just binged on the third season of revenge.  it only took me three days - to be clear that is twenty two episodes in three days.  twenty hours of tv in seventy two hours.  i may not be in the best place in my life.  regardless, i'm taking pride in my accomplishment - it was quite a feat.

as i rounded episode 20, 21 & 22 i realized how impressive it was for a show with such constant high stakes and ludicrous antics to string me along for twenty two hours. why god? why?  some/most of the show's plot twists and turns are exhausting and annoying -- revenge's only saving grace is its blatant unapologetic dramatics and cheesiness...and madeline stowe, more on that later.  it's all eye roll worthy.  

revenge is a trashy soap opera underneath the facade of madeline stowe.  who, by the way, looks amazing.  the star of last of the mohicans is remarkably talented at crying, looking shocked, masking all her lies, looking hateful, pretending to kill someone, actually killing someone, having multiple affairs, having multiple children from different fathers and breaking the news to said children, spewing venom, trying to be murdered, looking scorned, looking heart broken, having rape flashbacks, the list goes one.  she just takes my breath away.

so go watch revenge...or don't and just rent last of the mohicans it's basically the same.  I WILL FIND YOU!  I WILL FIND YOU!   

this is my best emily thorne/amanda clarke in action look.  enjoy.

eight grade

SATURDAY, April 12th 2014

as i've mentioned before i grew up in the southwest pretty close to the border.  along with border issues and embarrassing politics - ahem - governors -  there are fashion issues.  in middle school i desperately wanted to be a chola.  i wore short shorts and super high white sport socks and black Adidas low tops.  i wished my hair was curly and i could wear lipstick - i wanted to be cool, ok?!  but alas i was very white and very uncool.  this outfit was inspired by that little 11 year old in me.  now if only i was brave enough to wear this outside of my bathroom.... 

fannibalism

SATURDAY, April 12th 2014

i guess i'm a fannibal.  season 2 episodes 6 & 7

it took me season 1 and multiple av club reviews before i really committed to hannibal and i guess i'm glad i did.  the show is filled with shoddy fbi work, some terrible acting & lots of body horror but at it's heart it's just a  touching relationship between two men - two serial killers - no, one serial killer and one man with special seeing powers into the mind of serial killers: will graham (aka claire danes' husband) & hannibal lector.  in the inconsistent world of their flip flopping/incompetent costars these two stand strong and focused.  will knows what hannibal is (a man who will make you eat your own leg -- yes it happened) and hannibal just wants a friend.  it's rather touching and rare to find two people who can be so honest with each other on television.   boiled down the show is just a body horror bromance.

that being said - i enjoy it so much so that i am willing to forgive some of it's flaws.  for example, will's release at the end of futamono.  did everyone forget that he vomited the ear of "his victim?"  or was there always evidence that didn't support his incarceration?  i forgive bryan fuller for making fools out of morpheus and fbi lab technicians everywhere as they eagerly follow any and every lead hannibal directs them to (as a bones fan I know this depiction is not accurate).  i also forgive how quickly will is taken back into the fold -- remember the ear vomiting thing?!  _we_ know he isn't guilty but no one else does.  how can they rationalize that?  alas, all is forgiven.  watching eddie izzard eat his own leg and giving anna chlumsky & gillian anderson work is enough to endear me.  

now that i'm all caught up, the ending of yakimono had will zeroed in on a hannibal take down.  his weapon: therapy.  i couldn't be more excited to watch the battle ensue.

banana joe's is better than you

TUESDAY, April 8th 2014

i realize the above statement might be false but it's probably not - banana joes is most definitely better than me.  i need to go back to kauai "the jumping off point" (for those of you mad men lovers).  i feel like a 90's drew barrymore bad ass in this outfit - i think the daisy print is _really_ intimidating when paired with my "shit kicker" (ewan mcgregor) boots.  you wanna piece of me?! you love me?! you love me not?! yeah, pull those petals off like a lil' bit-- yelling. i digress.  i also feel like i really embraced the r.kelly "i believe i can fly" attitude.  dear god, this blog is just a justification for playing dress up.....

come closer i will rip you to shreds

MONDAY, April 7th 2014

fyi - i have also resolved to discuss television.  it's my personal justification for watching SO much of it. so let's being: game of thrones has returned. 

season 4 episode 1 - two swords

i'm glad to have all my friends back...oh wait...i'm glad to have half of my friends back.  i. am. still. not. over. the. Red. Wedding.  i thought i had had enough time to grieve but, just like sansa in two swords, my heart still aches and i don't want to talk to about it - THAT'S NOT TRUE, it's ALL i want to talk about.  my dreams were murdered.  i foolishly thought arya was going to be reunited with her mother and instead the absolute opposite happened!

after some reflection (sobbing for hours) and the viewing of exactly 3 cosmos episodes i've managed to peek out of the corner of my eye at that massive repressed growing gnawing fear that i carry inside me that we are nothing.  WE - you and me, the human race, we mean nothing.  pale blue dot style.  i know mr. sagan didn't mean this to terrify me - but it does and i'm always running from it throwing people and things behind me to slow it down.  the Red Wedding and my subsequent breakdown was merely a manifestation of my confrontation with it. needless to say, i was not ready.  george rr martin why didn't you have the decency to keep up this fragile charade!  

now -- season 4 episode 1 later -- i'm still left grappling with that feeling, that empty feeling, that vast terrifying empty feeling that nothing will ever be ok and everything means nothing...dear god i just turned this into a livejournal.

BRIGHTERnotes:

- i did _love_ that yellow starburst robe that oberyn marte was donning - the manly fop!

- i cannot wait to see sansa and tyrion's first sexual encounter, cause this is GoT and sex/rape/babies/heirs must be had (more on that later)

- who is excited for this royal wedding?! i am!

- jamie, poor guy, just got dumped on this episode...by his sister/lover & king/nephew/son.  brightside: a golden hand & bad hair cut is better than no hand & a bad haircut.

ps remember gmork? servant to the nothing (ref. the neverending story) because i do.

sunday is for game of thrones, sun bathing & beer

SUNDAY, April 6th 2014

worship the sun - i do.  ps this not my pool or backyard.  i wish.  that is however my beer.

coachella hater/wannabe

SUNDAY, APRIL 6 2014

so - my best friend/same sex soulmate is going to coachella this year and i'm not.  and i really don't care (aside from the fact that i would love to be in hot palm springs wearing nothing but a bathing suit soaking up the sun), music festivals just don't _really_ do it for me.  ANYWAY - my best friend/same sex soulmate keeps telling me that i should have a "fashion blog."  After a period of intense laughter and self depreciation - I decided to FUCK IT.  I'm not doing anything else.  I have nothing going for me - I mean, being an office pa in los angeles is pretty demanding and life fulfilling......kill me.

brain - this one's for you.  this is what i would wear if i was by your side un-showered sweating to death at coachella...but i never will be and it's definitely a _good_ idea.  dripping sarcasm.

overdue validation

TUESDAY, AUGUST 20 2013

today at work i stumbled upon something, something that made me very happy -- slutever.  i am enthralled by her...a female dan savage type who's articles leave my mouth agape with a delicate mixture of horror & "living vicariously through" her ennui.  it's awesome BUT not the point.  the point is in a post from 2007 i came across this...

However, since getting over my existential crisis, I have developed a pretty serious case of insomnia. This is the fourth night in a row that I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve tried everything—reading, counting sheep, masturbation—nothing works. It’s 6:30am at the moment. I’ve just finished watching She’s the Man—a gem of modern cinema

did you catch that?! "She's the Man - a gem of modern cinema" "GEM OF MODERN CINEMA!" karley slutever is my soulmate.  despite the insomnia and existential crisis i think we all know that truer words have never been spoken.  Her 2007-self and my 2007-self should be friends...except she probably would want nothing to do with me because in 2007 i was still a virgin living at my parent's house...

and yeah, that's a butt.  take that world! that lavender underwear clad (& slightly erotic) full moon is for trying to make me doubt myself and my exquisite taste. remember! channing tatum was in that movie and i saw his potential before all of you.

remember remember remember

Thursday, August 15 2013

why did i have to make this?why haven't i seen this on the internet?

i'm gonna live forever. i'm gonna learn how to fly. HIGH

TV is my greatest LOVE

July 25th, 2013

Hello.  I love TV.  I would marry TV if I think she would say yes.  However, there are some drawbacks to my love, as with any love.  After watching too much you feel gluttonous and worthless.  Other people judge you – A LOT (unless they are fellow TV lovers…and even then some people think they are but really, compared to me, they are not...that’s when you do that awkward dance of trying to judge how much is too much to admit to watching…so ashamed).  Back to the list!  The watching part isn’t very productive, it slows one down.  Soooo as you can see, it’s like any normal relationship, RIGHT?!  I’m right…right?! (She searches the room for heads nodding in agreement…crickets) I hope I’m right OR I’m doing it all wrong.  Love slows you down in the best and worst ways.

TV is an unrequited love, something that I am also very familiar with.  Ewan McGregor I’m still waiting for the day we meet and you fall madly in love with me, Joaquin Phoenix I forgive you for not finding me 6 years ago and taking me to the Oscars, and Christian Bale I understand you were busy and couldn’t make it to my prom and take my virginity.  Le sigh.  Anyway, through all those times TV filled my empty nights.  It filled my mind with lives other than mine to live through.  It took me to other places for a few hours when I couldn’t bear my own.

SPOILERS! When Marissa shot Ryan’s brother I mourned.  FUCK – when Marissa overdosed in TJ I fell in love.  When Future Max told Liz she had to break up with Max I cried, for so long, for forever, still cry when I think about it.  I’m consumed with Betty Draper’s emptiness.  I was desperately sad when Jennifer Love Hewitt’s husband died on Ghost Whisperer and then came back…FROM THE DEAD.  DEAR GOD.  Who killed Laura Palmer?!   I have been with SO many TV shows and I’m always looking for the next, the next, the next.  I want to fall in love so many more times.  I want to be swept away.  I yearn for “the falling” for a TV show – the more seasons the better.

So there you have it, my ode to TV. 

This is my life right now, desperately seeking a new TV show.

P.S. Top of the Lake.

treading water

July 10th, 2013

So, the other day, while I was being my extremely productive self, I watched six episodes of Teen Mom 2...in a row.  It was bad: not just the show, not just my general state of NOT MOVING for hours except to pee, and definitely not just the self hate that followed each episode.  The worst part was the moment I gave into the show – completely. 

As I lay curled up on my couch with my laptop warming my stomach I watched Leah -- age 20, mother of a set of 2 year-old twins, divorced, unemployed, uneducated (formally) -- get proposed to for a SECOND TIME in her life.  A SECOND TIME!  And then it happened.  I thought, “What is wrong with me? Why has no man ever proposed to me?” And then, it got worse, I thought, “I’ve missed my chance to be a teen mom.”  As you can imagine I had lost my sense of reality and it spiraled from there.

In that dark directionless spiral, a part of me (a very SMALL part) was envious of the girls who make mistakes/shit happens/whatever incredibly early because they don’t have to make the decisions later.  Later: when one is aware of and can obsess over all the ramifications of said decision.  *As I type this I realize how insane it all sounds. 

Most of my life I have been frozen by indecision.  The fear of making the wrong choice dominates my every thought – I can’t commit: to jobs, dogs, clothing, vacations, any kind of future plans etc.  Instead of moving forward I end up returning to zero, anxious, filled with regret, and stuck.  There are too many choices today, why did someone fill my head with the notion that I could be what I wanted to be?! Why am I plagued with fear of not becoming THAT person?  Why do I feel a huge obligation to my 16 year-old self and her dreams!?  Why am I afraid!? Long way round – why didn’t I just get pregnant at 16 and not have to think about myself anymore?! ….oh right, because I was a virgin until 22.

P.S. I wrote this AFTER Jeremy hit Leah in the face with a piece of bacon.  Ellie Jepperson - disappointing women everywhere all the time.

nashville

FRIDAY, April 11th 2014

season 2 episode 19 crazy

how this show captured my heart i'll never know.  oh wait, your predictable plot lines, sparkly dresses, romance, music and tragic female characters are just what my soul yearns for after empty work days - take me away.

scarlett. what is happening to you.  that onstage meltdown was one of the weirdest flashback scenes i've _ever_ seen --- soooo it worked?  i know i'm keen to give bad things the benefit of the doubt when debating when they "work" or not but the scene was freaky and weird and bad....and that was the goal, right? to induce under-piano cowering? mission accomplished.  listen to me waxing justifications.  needless to say it was memorable.

black roses is also the best song to come out of nashville this season.  scarlett is a star.  well, clare bowen is a star.  she is becoming my new (and much more talented) marissa cooper.   fuck, i think i need to take some time to reflect on why i love destructive/pathetic female story lines.

the below outfit is inspired by scarlett.  you'll get through this girl.

water water everywhere

FRIDAY, April 18th 2014

i _know_ i shouldn't complain but monday through thursday is a tv drought!  especially when shows that air wednesday (ahem ahem nashville) take a week off.  i should clarify that i don't actually have live tv.  this always leaves me a day behind everything and, aside from the occasional annoyance (like missing award shows), i don't think i would change it.  i find pride and pleasure in sticking it to the cable conglomerates knowing one day all channels will be available through online subscription --- i have a right to choose what channels i pay for!   ...even though i don't pay for most of my tv subscriptions: my boyfriend has amazon prime tv, my parents set us up with their hbogo & netflix account & i shell out 7.99 a month for hulu plus.  that about has us covered.  

trying to channel scarlet o'connor again in my outfit.

let the sunshine in

WEDNESDAY, April 16th 2014

season 7 episode 1 time zones

as don sits alone shivering on his balcony staring at his broken sliding glass door i can't help but think "you can't keep the cold out" (actually i didn't think that, my boyfriend did but it got ME thinking...).  this season opener was fucking grim.  everyone is miserable, everyone except for pete.  in comparison, pete was such a joy to see onscreen.  i never thought i would be saying this six seasons ago but that little pathetic fucker has really grown on me.  back to misery: don and megan are not good, peggy fell to the floor and sobbed at the end of the episode & i nearly panicked because i legitimately thought don might jump off the balcony.  after last season's finale i foolishly thought we would be seeing some change -- keyword FOOLISH.  of course no one changed.  people do not change that easily if ever and mad men is, above all, a show about people existing.  no matter what small breakthroughs don/dick has or what peggy overcomes they are the same.  no matter what lies they tell themselves they "can't keep the cold out."  

time zones forebodes that the final season of mad men could involve people (ahem, don) finally being honest with who they are and just...existing with it.  hmmm, honestly may be asking too much of them, broken vessel and all (ok fine...i'm mostly talking about don...only don).

confession:  i read _all_ the mad men reviews before i wrote mine.  despite the fact that my head was swirling with their insights and observations i think i added to the conversation (with myself) instead of just regurgitating.  i just couldn't help it.  i love emily nussbaum of the new yorker and todd vanderwerff of the av club.  i even indulge in tom & lorenzo's mad style on wednesday.  I LOVE THEM.  my favorite part of monday is sitting down and reading their astute and mind blowing thoughts  about the show.  they make me feel like a mere peon when it comes to interpreting EVERYTHING.  next week i promise i'll refrain...but maybe i won't.

veep v scandal

TUESDAY, April 15th 2014

there is no comparison except for the fact that they are both about political campaigns for the presidency.  selena vs fitz.  imagine it.  the queen of bullshitting vs the dreamy baguette.  selena has anna chlumpsky, fitz has olivia pope.  who would you choose?  eternal excitement and high stakes await behind fitz's oval office door (bombs, affairs, secret organizations, true love) whereas selena's promises plenty of not pissing anyone off, pig roasts & laughs.  

thank goodness we don't have to choose; veep airs sunday - scandal airs thursday...and thank god house of cards is over for now.

this is my working girl inspired look although i think i unintentionally nailed dustin hoffman in tootsie..  and yes, by working girl i mean the 1980's masterpiece staring a young melanie griffith and my goddess sigourney weaver.  let the river flow...

whodunnit

MONDAY, April 14th 2014

game of thrones, season 4 episode 2 the lion and the rose

the whodunnit episode.  every tv show has one & game of thrones is no better.  remember last week when i said i was "SO excited for the royal wedding"?  whatever i was expecting it wasn't this.  joffrey is dead and it's a welcome death - shocking, but welcome.  the stability that came with joffrey as king is an exciting loss compared to the soul crushing loss of rob stark.  i've finally come out the other side of "the nothing" the red wedding forced me to face and see only opportunity in joffrey's death!  the ripple effect is going to be thrilling. 

after my initial shock at the king's gross poison induced demise my mind raced through a list of possible culprits.  _everyone_ had a motive and everyone potentially had the opportunity to do it, those clever filmmakers!  my imagination ran wild.  was it margaery?  she _is_ queen now and i wouldn't want to sleep with joffrey either.  how about margaery's grandmother?  she's feisty.  was it tywin, just cause.  was it sansa seeking revenge for her family?  the only person i don't think capable is cersei -- but wait come to think of it she was a little peeved at having to relinquish her title as queen -- hmm would she murder her own child?  whodunnit?  oberyn, was present and pissing people off with his grudge.  but how would he have gotten to the cup?  sansa at least picked up the cup, so did margaery, so did tyrion.  was it tyrion?!  no, i'm pretty sure it wasn't.    i also don't think it was jamie.  but am i a fool for not considering him?  DAMN you game of thrones!  I don't know who did it and i'm scared i will never know!  this is what the red scare must have been like or an agatha christie novel.  at the rate this show divulges it's secrets i'm destined to yearn for answers for several more seasons.

i suppose it doesn't really matter.  what matters now is what is going to happen?!  little brother lannister is now king?  how does it work?  in the interim is margaery queen or does cersei serve as regent again?  does the marriage count since it was never consummated?  prepare for a power grab.  where is daenerys and grey worm when you need them.

look inspired by game of thrones.